is what I had become. It is important to note that I had become someone who only cares and think of nothing but myself.

I had been selfless and always pleasing people that I tend to neglect myself in the the process. I lost who I was and who I really wanted to be.

To get in touch with my real self, I had to prioritize myself—-like learn to come face-to-face with what it was I really feared.

I have fully taken cared of myself, learn what loving yourself means and have always prioritized myself since. I have done so to a point that as long as me, myself and I was not taken cared of, I should not worry about helping others at all.

At first, it was liberating. However, people find it was selfishness and rudeness. I did not care and did not let it bother me. I was done, I grew up from that. In fact, people trying to please me with the intent of having me reciprocate it has become annoying. I am done with the emotional caretaking. And so, I have been telling myself. ‘It is not my responsibility to make anyone happy or sad or hurt or anything. if you are unhappy and you are doing things for me thinking I would do the same for you, you are wrong. I will not feel the obligation because I did not ask for it. It is not kindness if it was done because you were expecting anything in return.”

This is how I accumulated anger, annoyance and resentment towards people-pleasing and emotional caretaking. These behaviors triggers me a lot after having identified, learned and overcome my own tendencies to act this way.

People pleasing comes from a place of fear – the fear of being rejected and failure, insecurities, and the need to be well-liked. This is to an extent where one focuses on accommodating everyone else’s needs while undermining their own. Emotional caretaking then or co-dependency is when someone acts on the urge to soother someone else’s feelings instead of soothing their own. ( from Psychology Today)

I did not major Psychology in college, but I guess I have been majoring “Selfchology” since self-awareness came knocking through my struggles and my being lost of who I was. As someone who is actively observing and helping myself overcome my traumas and brokenness, I find the above terms of people-pleasing and emotional caretaking to be true and easily noticeable. i totally agree with both and they trigger me.

First, because it is too obvious. I guess I am seeing it from the lens of my own self. immediately, I would think, there goes another emotionally and psychologically broken traumatic soul. Encouraging cop-dependency is a personal crime for me so avoid it. Not only is it detrimental to one’s self-worth, but it is not aligned with who I want to be. I am not one who encourages something I think is unhealthy. If I can not do anything good for a situation, I at least do not encourage it.

“People pleasers often deal with low self-esteem and draw their self-worth from the approval of others. You may believe people only care about you when you’re useful, and need their praise and appreciation in order to feel good about yourself.”

Secondly, I believe everyone is capable of self-awareness, independence and overcoming things on their own. I can not specifically say how I do the don’t-support-unhealthy-coping-mechanisms-of-people thingy, but I, being a naturally passive-aggressive person, just do things my way—which, I am afraid tends to just comes off rude, arrogantly thinks of myself better than anyone, and too aggressive for some.

At first, I would be subtle with it. I just go with the flow. And then just hope, it would be noticed that I need not to be pleased by fake compliments and whatever, but then as times went by, there went my accumulated anger and resentment towards these people exhibiting the behaviors after having graduated from being one like them.

I, having overcome this formative years of trauma and unmeet needs have felt how this is so liberating. Not having to depend on anyone for my emotional well-being and being responsible for my own self emotionally is really liberating and satisfying. I felt like it has been something I longed for a long time. I was just not consciously aware it was part of what I need for the kind of person I want to be back then. The thought of having perceived as rude and arrogant is somehow a bit unnerving, though.

I guess, I should work on being my ideal healthy self while being kind and considerate for others at the same time. We all have our own race and timelines, after all.

October 2023 || Thoughts on Being Mentally Healthy

–marymancee✨✨✨