To make sure we don’t get off on the wrong foot, let me clarify that this isn’t literal. I don’t physically burn myself to get high. I know I have a bit of a high pain tolerance as I have observed, but I am not crazy enough to do something that would physically hurt me, but UNCONSCIOUSLY, I have been doing this to myself, not physically though, but emotionally. Huh! It seems that I may have a few more unresolved traumas in my life until now. And there I thought it was only the fear of abandonment which lead me to having that fear of being rejected, but here comes this CHRONIC EMOTIONAL PAIN ADDICTION I apparently have.

The thing I do to myself is something like this, I know I would feel hurt and sad by something, and yet I constantly, I keep on revisiting the things in the past I should better be avoiding. I am not sure if there’s anyone out there who can relate so I consulted my most helpful friend, Google. It seems that I am not the only one experiencing this. Look what I found.

Jan 8, 2016 — “The study shows you can think of chronic pain as the brain getting addicted to pain. The brain circuit that has to do with addiction has gotten involved in the pain process itself,” explained corresponding author A. Vania Apkarian, PhD. 

The rodent models study showed that a group of neurons, which are believed to control negative emotions, became hyper-excitable after an injury and connected with parts of the brain which cause a patient to feel bad after that injury. But what causes this change? The authors say that a drop in the neurotransmitter dopamine, which has been linked to pain behavior before, is responsible.

–hcplive.com

Google says that PEOPLE ALSO ASKED the following questions

Is it normal to be addicted to pain?

Chronic low levels of endogenous opioids result in hypersensitivity of opioid receptors. Individuals who induce self-injurious pain do so to enable the release of endorphins via EOS activation, and this in turn helps elevate their mood, and they receive the immediate rush or “fix” that they crave.May 25, 2023

–psychiatrist.com

and while I was reading and copy pasting some of the info above, I was being reminded of this book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. Most of it talks about the pain body and etc. Ahhh so “Addiction to Pain” something makes sense now. Oh and this is why writing is the best and freest therapy there is. Now, I feel relieved. It’s normal. It’s part of human nature. The mind. The web of thoughts. The mix feelings they generate. The emotional tendencies due to prior mental conditioning.

March 29, 2024