In the end, it wasn’t the exact words I longed hearing.
But still, the bottom line now, it was his ending
Maybe, he was just being polite, yet, pinning it all on me.
Couldn’t say exactly, but he was basically blaming me.
Some of it were true though, so it’s okay.
But while it’s on me, the blame is on him, too.
If he knew he was gonna go away, why always remind me of his stay?
Then, he would always gaslight me
If I started going away, that’s when he would come and pretend for another stay
Or nope!!! He said it wasn’t pretense
It was just me who chose to see it that way
Well, how could I not? When he would occasionally put it on me?
So then, back and forth, I accepted and refused to see it was just a game he loved to play
So foolish of me: trusting, believing, expecting, hoping, and wanting
If I didn’t, I would have seen things as it is
But which of it was real anyway?
Most of it were enjoyable, yet now, just equally painful
I was always confused with the coming, going and my longing
And now, everything was just nothing
I could have stayed away, but then again, now, it should be okay
Everything was necessary, because in the end it’s better for him and me
Now, just wondering how long will this getting over again be. May 9, 2022.