Some Random Thoughts

I find it weird….

I find it weird that I was excited and totally at peace with the thought of spending money on someone and yet I was not feeling the same, not as ecstatic at all when a few days ago I was planning on spending money on my travel. Why is this the case?

Three days before this, I got excited with the thought of finally being able to travel. I got excited with the planning but when it came to how much I was to spend, a part of me was hesitating. Instantly, my desires died. However, today, someone close to my heart found the courage to share her struggles with me. While and after listening, and also because of what I knew of her as a person, I realized one of the things she needed was a change in perspectives. Based on what she had shared, there was nothing that can trigger the change in her current life and so I thought it was best for her to get away for a while.

Immediately, I started checking for available flights. I was extremely excited with the thought of her being pulled out from her sorrow. The thought of her smiling again, back on her feet realizing that there was more to life than what she was drowning her sorrowful self in was beyond satisfying. Changing her sceneries, letting her see the world would definitely pull herself back up. I did not mind the amount of money I would be spending on her. I was just purely happy and willing. Then, it dawned on me that it was not what I felt for myself few days back. What I was feeling at this instant was distinctly different when I was about to spend money on myself on the same thing–traveling. Why did I feel hesitant to spend money on myself on travels but not when I am to do it for others?

I had to stop and contemplate this for a while.

Then, I came to realize that mainly, I, as a human being have been wired to the following:

Money spent on making others happy — others who deserve it is a money well-spent.
Being in a dark place is not at all a good place to be at, and as someone who once or several times had been there, it was tough and was kind of addictive, too to be honest. I think once you are there for a while, you are more likely to get used to being there. This was one of the main reasons I wanted to pull her out of that state as early as possible. She sounded too depressed and this ignited my fear of losing someone again. Truth be told, my overthinking brain lead me to concluding to the other possible worse outcome. Depression. Death. Suicide. Pain. and everything else. DEMN over functioning brain!
Traveling is only fun and enjoyable when you are not alone, when you are with anyone you like –family, real close friends or special someone.
Letting someone travel knowing it would make her happy is satisfying than when I go traveling by myself not fully enjoying.
I still feel like I don’t deserve to enjoy fully because I had not yet fulfilled my promise to my family. I feel like I am being selfish if I spend my money on luxury.

I was really really truly joyful and then the thought of my family being upset once they find out about it came. So then, I did not do it. It’s better to avoid conflicts. || Sunday, May 29, 2022

Discussion Questions about First Impressions (ESL Business English Vocabulary)

I. Vocabulary Activity. Complete the questions by filling in the correct verbs from the list.

build

come

create

form

have

manage

project

take

compare

What kind of impression would your company like to _____________ on its website?
What sort of reputation do you or your company ______________ ?
How does your company ______________ the right kind of image through its advertising?
How important is it to ______________ your own online profile?
When you meet someone for the first time face-to-face, how do you ______________ an opinion of them?
How do you think you ______________ across to people you meet for the first time?
In your line of work, how important is it for you to ______________ a close relationship with customers or clients?
Do you ever ______________ an instant dislike to someone when you meet them for the first time? What are the reasons?

Vocabulary Activity 2. Match each of the adjectives to an adjective with a similar meaning from 1-12.

expensive	ineffective	arrogant	trustworthy	suspicious	complex
functional	modest	ostentatious	successful	wary	favorable

reliable ______________________
unsuccessful ______________________
showy ______________________
positive ______________________
costly ______________________
mistrustful ______________________
practical ______________________
complicated ______________________
simple ______________________
effective ______________________
over-confident ______________________
cautious ______________________

Answer key is on the next page

vocabulary-and-discussion-questions-about-first-impressions-esl-business-english Download

Pages: 1 2

Lethargy in Life

First of all, the main reason I came here is for me to have an avenue to express my thoughts and my unexpressed feelings especially the negative ones. However, I know that feelings and emotions are temporary especially the bad ones so I’m debating whether I should write or not. But since this is the reason I am here in the first place, I’ll just relieve myself. So, you feel happy, ecstatic today, you feel the extreme opposite the next day and I guess it is okay. Or is it?

I have been so lethargic for uncountable number of days now. I just want to stay home and do nothing. I do not want to say this but fuckkkk I am just soooo tired of feeling this way. I feel like I am the stallion in Dreamwork’s Spirit animation movie saying“One moment, I am free. The next, I am not.”

I am so indifferent towards anything else yet anger and frustrations get to me. At work, it’s just so noisy. So loud when in fact she can actually keep it down, Urgggh 🙄 I know it’s beyond my control but can’t she really think there are other people in the room too?

So, what is lethargy? Lethargy can refer to feelings of fatigue as well as a lack of mental or physical motivation. It can be a sign of a health condition. (I googled this.) What kind of a health condition? Well, I read these articles online so feel free to click the link below.

I also asked myself this question, “Does lethargy mean depression?”

According to my Google search, depression is a common cause of fatigue, “Am I depressed?”

Well, I think I am not. I am not sad or depressed about anything. I am just indifferent towards life and also, because I know this is not how life is supposed to be lived, I feel anxious trying to not feel this way (arrrggg insert my eyes rolling to myself).

“Depression is a common cause of fatigue, so you might be wondering whether your fatigue is a result of depression. But just because you’re tired all the time doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re depressed. The fact is there are many underlying conditions that could be responsible for feeling tired all the time. Jan 15, 2021 — source: verywellmind.com

Anyway, I’m glad I am writing here because I actually came across a thought that worked as a switch that turned me back to life and I’m feeing better now.
—marymancee ✨7/15/2022

Budgeting & Saving Guide: How I BUDGET & SAVE to avoid going broke after VACATIONS

I would say that this has been the most effective guideline for me when it comes to managing my personal finances. I used to disagree with this “It’s not how much money you make, it’s how much money you keep” and anything that says like it simply because I used to work where I got paid super low and it was insufficient for my needs and wants in life and I just thought that it wasn’t really realistic at all. But actually, it was my living above my means that was unrealistic.

In my first job after university, my pay was higher than the regular and with the incentive schemes my company had, it was actually enough for a decent living where I could also keep some of my money for saving. And then, I opted to change my job because I didn’t feel like I was growing there and so, there I was in my second not-so-high-paying job but a satisfying one. There I was with the same needs and wants not considering that how much I was making in a month wasn’t actually enough for it. That time, I wasn’t so keen on sorting nor identifying my needs vs my wants yet. Because I was somehow tailed with debts every month, I challenged myself on making it’s-not-how-much-money-you-make-but-how-much-you-keep TRUE.

I started from taking note of my expenses i.e. identifying my needs (necessities like food, water, house rent, electric bills, my data/internet (because I had some extra businesses I had to keep running that required internet connection—if it wasn’t for that my internet would have been considered as another liability and so should not be a part of my need) and etc. so anything keeping us alive–well, conveniently alive is a need) and separating my wants (wants are anything you can live without it) from it. Then, I added everything up and remember saying “Oh, so this is what I need every month. These are the things I don’t really need. ” . I put the two together and it didn’t even have room for me to have savings and investments. It was actually negative because I have had debts (well, because of the things mentioned earlier and also some circumstantial reasons (like sudden expenses like hospitalization of a loved one and what not plus my environment basically trained me that financial debts were a part of anyone’s life and was necessary and is alright, which I strongly proven not to be true now) as well. Then, my family is my everything and so if it happens that one of the members got sick and confined in the hospital again, my debts would really continue whether I like it or not.

Basically, my monthly income minus my needs and wants equaled negative which means debts Monthly income – (needs + wants) = negative or debts.

So, I was thinking, how could I ever have that saving to do the things I want to do in my life? Things like traveling, going out with friends, treating my family to a vacation and stuff like these. Determined to get out of my financial situation, in my research, I found tow important answers to my question.

1. Increase your income like find another additional source so maybe like do part time jobs or do businesses, etc..

2. Do proper budgeting.

Resourceful as I am, I did manage to find additional sources of my income (sideline selling and whatever) but then still, it wasn’t enough. Hence, I had to find out what PROPER BUDGETING really meant. Then I learned that this PROPER BUDGETING THINGY must include the following:

Emergency Funds
Saving and Investment
Needs
Wants
Tithe (This one is basically optional depends on your principle and belief as a person but in my case, well, it’s good to give back sometimes so I believe this must be a part of me, but I don’t necessarily give it to the church or any organizations per say, I give it directly to the people who need it like street children or relatives that are not part of the budget and so on.)

How must PROPER BUDGETING be done?

Of course, this is just a guide. If you have a a certain amount you want to have in a certain period of time, you can definitely adjust maybe your NEEDS (because honestly 50% is a lot–in my case I can still get some savings every month from it) or WANTS. Let’s say you set your needs to just 30% perhaps and then the other 20% you can add it to your monthly SAVINGS or INVESTMENTS. And if TITHE isn’t part of your practice, of course you can just add it to your SAVINGS or INVESTMENTS or in PAYING OFF YOUR DEBTS.

To illustrate, how I do mine, please refer to the following: (based on my current monthly income and expenses)

For this month’s income (August), I am not thinking of actually buying anything for my WANTS so I will take some from there to pay for my Taylor Swift’s Folklore album merchandise and I save the rest from my 20% for my travel and clothes in fall. I heard that there are holidays in September and usually holidays here in Japan means SALES everywhere so I’ll just go shopping on these days.

REMEMBER: Create your rules and stick to them. (from my most favorite person)

Anyway, after years of giving it a try and following this guideline, I finally understood and proven how effective it is just having one. I don’t feel guilty for buying and spending for what I want because at the end of the day, I know I have my savings and investments, my emergency fund (which I am continuously building up) and my budget for giving back (tithe) so when I see or encounter someone who needs help I can give if I want to.

The point being is that hopefully having a guideline as simple as this can get you started into developing a good spending habit. Good spending habit and better management of our finances can help us into reaching our dreams and doing the things we want to do in the future without having to sacrifice living-in-the-moment moments. And, the best things about having a guide is that you don’t end up overspending on something and most of the time, we tend to overspend on something that isn’t really necessary. So, at least we get to limit ourselves depending on our priorities in the present moment and our goals in the future.

Why TITHE? Is it really necessary?

Emergency Funds

Published on Aug 20, 2020 at 11:14 PM

Best Mother and Daughter Conversation about Divorce

Daughter: Mom, can’t you stock up on some juice?

Mother: Of course not, that’s only sugar water.

Daughter: I’ll probably live forever

Mother: Thanks to me?

Daughter: Who else?

Mother: A long and healthy life is how you can do everything you want.

Daughter: I’ll play video games every day when I become a grandma and eat everything I want. My dream is to die while eating. I’m not kidding. Ice cream, juice, chips and chocolate. There are too many delicious snacks.

Mother: Nothing brings you more happiness than good health. Cancer cells live on sugar, remember?

Daughter: They have good taste, I give them that.

Mother: (Changing topic) Is it normal for people to have a change of heart? Or is it not?

Daughter: Well, it should stay the same.

Mother: Only a saint would achieve that. For people, it’s perfectly normal. You argue with your bestfriend, too and now you hardly talk. You did nothing wrong and what your best friend did wasn’t that bad but that’s what happened.

Daughter: (Nod)

Mother: It’s the same with me. I no longer feel the same way about your Dad. Just like others, he made a few mistakes. And they upset me. I wanted to let it slide, but I couldn’t.

Daughter: What kind of mistakes did Dad make?

Mother: Not everyone is perfect. I get why he did it, but now I’ve gotten used to living apart from him. I like the life we built here together. Are you upset?

Daughter: A little. Shouldn’t you have cut him some slack?

Mother: It’s not about forgiving or teaching each other a lesson. I find it better to have a separate life. And while doing so, if he and I find someone we are more fond of, we will begin new relationships.

Daughter: Are you and Dad divorced?

Mother: Actually, yes. I’m sorry for deciding on it without asking you.

Daughter: I knew something was up.

Mother: You’ll learn once you marry someone later on in life. You could disappoint your husband and you could be the one who’s disappointed. To forgive or to divorce. A choice must be made. In life, we go through many events and make countless decisions. Decisions that are not easy to make. Whether you calmly accept our divorce or throw a tantrum is up to you. There’s nothing I can do if you neglect your studies because of your sadness. Your life is yours to manage. I can’t live it for you. Children and parents can’t live each other’s lives for them. So take your time and choose wisely. Some things in life are controllable by willpower, but some are not. When I walked down the aisle in my wedding dress, I thought I’d be happy forever. Life not going as planned doesn’t mean you’ll be unhappy. Do I look sad to you these days? Do I seem depressed?

Daughter: (Shaking her head side to side)

Mother: There are many paths for people to take. Some even live without ever marrying. A co-worker of mine only found true happiness after a third marriage. There’s no right or wrong. We just have different paths in life.

Daughter: Was what Dad did unforgivable?

Mother: It depends on how you look at it. I guess you can say I could have understood him and looked past his flaws. It’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to hug him and kiss him anymore. It seemed off. And still living in the same house only made things uncomfortable and unnatural. I like how things currently are. There’s no big difference. It’s not like you can’t see your Dad. We can go out to eat from time to time. The only difference is we’re not living under the same roof. Is this hard for you to accept?

Daughter: (Shaking her head side to side)

Mother: You’ll understand with age. Right now, you won’t understand no matter how much I explain it.

Daughter: I only thought this happened in soap operas.

Mother: This can’t even be categorized as misfortune. When I was a young girl. I heard my aunt humming this song. “Heartbreaking Mia-ri Hill.” This may not be word-for-word, but the lyrics go like this.

Gunpowder smoke blinds me

As I wonder not knowing where I’m going

You, bound with string wire

Look over your back again and again

Limping barefooted

You’re dragged over this hill

The Mia-ri Hill —Full of heartache and sorrow.

Imagine that scene. It depicts a woman watching her husband get dragged to North Korea bound tightly with string wire. Imagine that it happened to you. What if that’s the last image you see of the person you love?

Daughter: It’s sad. It scares me too.

Mother: There’s no need to be lost or in pain over what will never change. What I hope is for you to maturely accept this. The fact that I have as well is why I’m still on good terms with your Dad. Your Dad and I started off as strangers anyway. It’s like having a falling out with a friend. At first, I thought some time apart would help me forgive and forget. That’s why I kept the truth from you. But now I’ve adapted to this way of life. If we were still under the same roof, I’d nag your Dad from time to time. How would that make your Dad feel when he’s a prideful man?

Daughter: I get it. I understand what you’re saying.

Mother: Your Dad has already adapted, too. There’s no man in this world who enjoys being nagged anyway. Besides, your grandma’s been taking care of him.

—a scene from Netflix’s Kdrama “Love (ft. Marriage and Divorce)” S3E7

Mother/Parent’s Conversation to Their Kids about Divorce//How to make kids understand about divorce//Divorce is not a bad thing

MY HEART IN WAR

I’ve sent MY HEART TO WAR for you so many times,

yet never has it said, “this is too much.”

Never has it backed down.

Corny Jokes

What did the ocean say to the sand? Nothing — it just waved.

Going through something? I hope some corny jokes help you get through it. Laugh it off. Capture the good vibes. Live today.
—marymancee

To Whom This May Be Useful

We are not incomplete human beings, and there is no one in the world who is going to fill the voids of our soul other than ourselves.

In reality, there is more to forever than simply finding someone who you feel extremely connected to. We have to stop allowing this surge of feeling to act like a compass towards healthy relationships. Distinctive and enchanting feelings for someone are a great compass, but they shouldn’t be the only thing we take into account when falling in love. We can’t keep striving for this absolute, perfect love, because when life throws some less than perfect situations we are going to need more than exhilaration. We are going to need pragmatic love, we are going to need levelheadedness, we are going to need a person who fights for us every single day–who chooses us in spite of circumstances.

Soul mates don’t exist. Real human beings do. The goal is to redefine this idea of the perfect kind of love, and turn it into an openness to a very real kind of love. You aren’t going to find someone who completes you, and you shouldn’t strive for that. Instead, strive to find someone who inspires you to complete yourself. Strive to find someone who pushes you, and breaks into you in ways that allow for you to see all of the potential that exists within your bones. Strive to find someone who your loves grows with –slowly, strongly. Strive to find someone who ignites within you the motivation to love in the most enduring of ways because, luckily, that kind of person does exist. — P108, Seeds Planted in Concrete (book), Poetry by Bianca Sparacino

I think this idea of finding someone to complete you is just something some of us are constantly being fed on. Nevertheless, I feel grateful that through the vicarious lens I am seeing things from, I was conscious enough not to fall for this trap though I can’t recall exactly whose experiences lead me to this realization. I know I have read it from Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People but I only paid attention to this book in 2020 but my subconscious prompts about this being whole first before finding someone else had been there ages before 2020. I guess soulmates do exist, but we just don’t have to necessarily pinned them as the perfect kind of love—the one who we should end up with, call THE ONE or something. I just realized that there are actually different kinds of love in this world. || In my giving birth (again) to my real self journey || August 2021-April 2022 ||
—marymancee

Heartbreaking Mia-Ri Hill

Gunpowder smoke blinds me

As I wonder not knowing where I’m going

You, bound with string wire

Look over your back again and again

Limping barefooted

You’re dragged over this hill

The Mia-ri Hill —Full of heartache and sorrow.

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