Joel Osteen’s Jokes: Jokes about Oldies, Memory & Forgetfulness (Compilation)

“The Elderly Couple”

I heard about this elderly couple. They were having a terrible time with their memory. They went to the doctor. He instructed them to start writing down everything they had been forgetting. The next night, they were watching television and the wife said, “I sure would like a bowl of ice cream.” The husband said, “I’ll go get it for you.” The wife said, “Honey, you know what the doctor said, you better write it down.” He said, “I’m just going in the kitchen. I’m not going to forget.”. Came back a few minutes later, handed her a a plate of bacon and egg. She shook her head and said, “I should have known it. You forgot my toast.” – Favor Connections

“The Three Oldies”

I heard about these three sisters , ages 96, 94 and 92 that lived together. One night, the 96-year old draws a bath, she puts one foot in and stops. She hollers downstairs, “I can’t remember if I was getting in or getting out.”. The 94-year old says, “Hang on, I’ll come up and help you.”. She gets halfway up the stairs and stop, says, “I can’t remember If I was going up or coming down.” The 92-year old shook her head and said, “Boy, I hope I don’t get that forgetful” and she knocked on wood for good luck then she said, “Hang on, I’ll come help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.” -Unclutter Your Mind

Joel Osteen’s Jokes Compilation

For more of Joel Osteen’s Jokes, click the link or go to the HOME PAGE, then go to CATEGORIES, then click JOKES, also, so you don’t miss out all of the future posts, don’t forget to click FOLLOW on the home page and look forward for something funny every Wednesday.

Joel Osteen’s Jokes “An Extreme Beauty Make Over”

“A good laugh heals a lot of hurts.” –Madeleine L’engle

Here’s something to make you laugh today 🙂

“Having an Extreme Beauty Make Over”

I heard about this middle aged woman. She had a heart attack. On the operating table, she asked God if this was it. God said, “No, you have forty more years.” Upon recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital, have a face lift, tummy tuck, liposuction, and extreme makeover. Two months later as she was leaving the hospital, she was hit by a car and killed. She got to heaven and said, “God, I don’t understand it. I thought you said I still had forty more years.” God said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t recognize you.” —Nothing to Prove, Joel Osteen

a beauty makeover joke

Joel Osteen’s Jokes Compilation

For more of Joel Osteen’s Jokes, click the link or go to the HOME PAGE, then go to CATEGORIES, then click JOKES

Joel Osteen’s Joke “At the Intersection: The Bumper Sticker”

Having a great day? Make it even better, make someone else’s day a whole lot better, too by sharing something that can make both of you smile. 🙂 Here’s a joke about

“The Bumper Sticker”

I heard about this lady. She just got out of choir practice, she was so fired up she put a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker on her car. At the intersection, she was digging in her purse and didn’t notice that the light changed. She said I was so excited to find out the guy behind me loves Jesus. He started honking so I rolled my window down, waved real big and told him, “I love Jesus, too” She said I found out a whole lot of people love Jesus. Everyone started honking. One man even screamed, “Jesus Christ”. She said, “After we shared all that love together, I was the only one that made it to the intersection.” –Be Comfortable Not Knowing, Joel Osteen

Joel Osteen’s Jokes “Is Jesus black or White?”

Having a bad day? Well, how about reading something that can make you smile?

“Is Jesus Black or White?”

I heard about these two men, Archie and Jack. They had debated their whole life as to whether Jesus was white or black. Archie was certain he was white, Jack was just as sure he was black. As fate would have it, they both died on the same day, rushed to the pearly gates. They said, “St. Peter, please, we’ve been arguing our whole life. Tell us, is Jesus white, or is he black.” About that time, Jesus stepped up and said, “Buenos Dias!” -Everything Serves His Plan, Joel Osteen

For more of Joel Osteen’s Jokes, click the link or go to the HOME PAGE, then go to CATEGORIES, then click JOKES, also, so you don’t miss out all of the future posts.

Don’t forget to click FOLLOW on the home page. Something Funny every Wednesday 

🙂

My Rainy Days & Headaches

I seem to dislike rainy days these days because I don’t know but my headaches also appear on rainy days or when it is about to rain. I’ve already observed and taken note of all the other factors, possible. I have a different kind of headache these days.

The one I feel when  I am having too much screen time is different from the one I have from a toothpaste with citrus mint and other products including food products I have and still haven’t figured out yet. The headache I feel from a perfume with a strong scent is kind of different from the one due to the smell of cigarettes. Then, it’s also different from the one I have just by thinking about that one person. Geez!!!! Signs of aging this is?

According to my Google search, here are some of the explanations of Rainy Days and Headaches

  1. If you’re prone to getting headaches, you could find that grey skies, high humidity, rising temperatures and storms can all bring on head pain. Pressure changes that cause weather changes are thought to trigger chemical and electrical changes in the brain. This irritates nerves, leading to a headache. Among the 10 items they (nhs.uk) listen as triggers of migraine, no. 1. Relaxing after stress because as the tension subsides, the level of stress hormones drop which causes… , 2. Pent-up anger, 4. Perfume , 5. Bad Weather, 6. Grinding Teeth (I don’t know if I unconsciously grind my teeth at night but I have also listed my teeth as the source of my headache before I came across this article), 7. Bright lights (no wonder I can never feel comfortable without sunglasses on on a bright sunny day), 8. Food triggers (I’ve listed some and also the skipping of meals is so true) are my triggers. –source: nhs.uk
  2. When the outside barometric pressure lowers, it creates a difference between the pressure in the outside air and the air in your sinuses. That can result in pain. The same thing happens when you are on a plane. –source: healthline.com
  3. Some people who have migraines appear to be more sensitive to changes in the weather. Weather-related triggers include:
  • Bright sunlight
  • Extreme heat or cold
  • Sun glare
  • High humidity
  • Dry air
  • Windy or stormy weather
  • Barometric pressure changes

For some people, weather changes may cause imbalances in brain chemicals, including serotonin, which can prompt a migraine. Weather-related triggers also may worsen a headache caused by other triggers.

If you feel your migraines are triggered by weather, you may be understandably frustrated. After all, you can’t change the weather. However, you can learn which weather changes start a migraine and take steps to lessen their effects by:

  • Keeping a headache diary, listing each migraine, when it happened, how long it lasted and what could have caused it. This can help you determine if you have specific weather triggers.
  • Monitoring weather changes and avoiding triggers if at all possible. For example, stay indoors during very cold or windy weather if these factors appear to trigger your migraines.
  • Taking your migraine medication at the first sign of a migraine.
  • Making healthy lifestyle choices — eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, drink enough water, get enough sleep and keep your stress under control. These factors can help reduce the number and severity of your migraines. –source: mayoclinic

I have several kinds of headaches these days but mostly, it has something to do with my sinus. Arggghhh Covid19 did me good. From the first few months after the infection, I thought it was just post-covid symptoms, but then apparently, it seems like it is or maybe the virus damaged some tissues causing too much sensitivity to everything. I even experienced Tinnitus in February. I thought I only had sun light sensitivity but this time, the smell sensitivity is heightened, too. Demn covid!

Do you have any symptoms you only started feeling after having positive with Covid19, too?

Love yourself, prioritize your health, never go astray where your inspiration takes you and don’t forget to share the good vibes with you!

—marymancee 6-6-2022

Back to where I first came alive

“I’ve come back this morning to where I first came alive

Here within this terminal where the buses arrive

I was a commuter on the 804, worked for a computer on the 19th floor and…” 🎵

I didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics of this song but I really love the melody. It is just relaxing. I didn’t pay attention to the lyrics of it until one relaxing day, I was listening to it and this part caught my attention “But I had to get home to the kids and the wife and…” so I wondered “Ohmygosh the man is married?” I had listened to it a lot of time and always catch only the first part “I’ve come back this morning where I first came alive” and I thought it was some kind of a “meet-cute” love story of a teenager but then “He’s married?”. So, I checked on the comments on Youtube and here are some of the comments that made me smile.  

“The main reason kung bakit masarap pakinggan ‘yong mga awitin noon kasi nakikinig ka na ng kanta, at the same time ay nakikinig ka rin ng k’wento. Not unlike sa mga karamihang awitin ngayon na hanggang sa natapos ay hindi mo man lang nakuha ‘yong sense.”

“When a song talks to you… just feel it… let the magic of the words and each note take you in. You’d rarely find a song that would talk to you as if it wants to tell you a story nowadays.” (kind of rare these days or maybe I just don’t pay enough attention to them)

“My mom would sing this song with tears in her eyes… it has so much much to do with my dad who passed away 22 yrs ago..we missed him dearly…😢” (aweee the tears in her eyes would have been me too had I embraced my inclination for these kinds of song back to those days when I was emotionally too vulnerable)

“I grew up listening to any kind of genre. I always love listening to old songs. Makes me imagine how’s life before i was born. Now im in my 20’s and I never get tired listening to these songs.”  (Me, too. I didn’t and until now, still don’t have any specific genre. If the melody catches my ear, I would immediately just love the song)

“While listening to this music, it makes you wanna close your eyes and remember those old years that had gone by..“ (same with me–just wanna remember those happy days)

“This makes me want to go to a field of flowers and play in a radio listening to this and just appreciate life while I watch the cherry blossoms fall from the trees” (me too, go somewhere where I see things moved by the blow of the wind)

“Nostalgic! A song of a man who cheated on his wife one day. He wanted more out of the relationship but the girl (I guess) realized that it was lust.”  (oh so yeah, he was really married ey?”

“The melody is really nice. You instantly think and wish to find love like this too! But if you dive within the lyrics and the message of it, its about a guy who met a girl and fell in love to her but he’s also committed to his wife and kids. Its about finding the right girl at the wrong time.”  (Ahhh so nothing happened to him and the girl, I am happy and admire him. I always admire men like him if this is the case — men who are like WRONG IS WRONG so I will never do it.)

“The guy in the song is a man of integrity otherwise if he had been just “half a man” he would’ve easily give in to the temptation. True admiration.” (I agree. If men were like this man, pain from being cheated on and divorce due to adultery would disappear haha)

So I’ve been wanting to listen to this song again since yesterday but I was able to finally tune in to it today and I can’t stop myself from smiling. This song still brings back good memories. I usually heard it while riding a bus from the south (our bukid) of Cebu going to the city. I would hear it sometimes before, after, or while “Ahhh, chicharon, bucarillo, ampao mo diha” is being sung along by the vendors of Carcar city. (Deeply, I would feel emotional seeing the vendors sometimes. I used to just wish I could buy everything or give them the money for everything they were selling and they could go home once and just be happy because my mother told us a story of how she or her friends had experienced being one in their youth and they would call it a happy day if they sold everything they had to). In high school, I usually heard it played on a radio station along with the other songs of my grandparents’ generations during afternoon naps/sleep.

So, every once in a while, there are days I feel like going back to these songs because of the calming feeling they give to me and the memories along with them.

Ahh it’s really true our environment plays a big role in our lives. Whatever we were constantly exposed to when we were growing up, regardless of whether we liked them or we chose not to like them because our peers were so cool they liked “emo” “punk rock” “hip hop” “Eminem” “avril” etc. and we were not brave enough to be outcasted just for our natural inclination to other kinds of music, we would really end up craving them because they are memories involuntarily ingrained in our soul and memories, happy childhood-growing-up memories are the best ones to come home to.

Now, every time I remember or hear this song it makes me smile because the melody is something resonating with my melodramatic soul. It is soothing and it just never gets old. 

Also, I felt so at home reading some of the relatable comments. The songs and the comments made me nostalgic that day I checked whether others have similar interpretations to mine. 

The title of the song is “Terminal” by Rupert Holmes. To be honest, if a guy I met or a friend or friends I am not so closed with asked me the songs I like , I used to say whatever comes to mind depending on my mood that time I was asked and would always exclude songs like this because I think they are not cool haha but these days, nah! Couldn’t care less!!!

How about you? Are there any songs you come home to, especially on days when you just want to be yourself and relax? What are those? 

Free yourself from the pressure of who and what you think the world wants you to be and just tune in to what makes you BeYOUtiful. Do you! Wander where your inspiration takes you and don’t forget to capture only the good vibes. 

—marymancee, 6-5-2022

There’s Freedom in Letting Go

Sometimes we gain freedom not only by letting go ourselves, but by helping someone else let go of us.

A child rounds a corner on her little purple bike, one training wheel clattering on the sidewalk, the other high in the air. Her father calls her over and tells her that today is special. Today, she has finally outgrown those training wheels and will learn to ride the bike like the big kids! Tears follow the happy news.

“But what if I fall? Or I can’t balance? I’m not ready!” she complains.

Finally, after many assurance that he will be right beside her, she lets daddy take the wheels off.

At first. he holds tightly to the bike, and she sits there frozen, unable to pedal, rigidly gripping the handlebars.

“Relax,” he says. “It’s okay. I’m right here by your side.”

She relaxes. Then she starts to pedal. Dad release his grip slightly. He lets go and runs alongside. She looks over and laughs. “Daddy, don’t let go! I’ll fall!” And then, the inevitable happens; she falls.

But she gets back up. He holds on again. And again. And again. Until suppertime, daddy runs beside, lets go of the bike, slows to a walk, and watches his little girl ride off on two wheels.

Is there something or someone in your life that you need to let go of in order to grow? Is there someone you need to help let go of you? Sometimes it’s tempting to keep people dependent on us. It makes us feel needed and powerful. It makes us feel good. But it may be holding them and us back.

Go ahead. It’s time. Take off the training wheels. Help them ride off into the sunset. Set both of you free.

P.S. I can’t remember where I found this so I apologize for not being able to mention the source of this.

Joel Osteen’s Jokes “The Silent Treatment”

Something for you to smile today 🙂

I heard about his husband and wife. They had been arguing. Now, they were giving each other the silent treatment. The next morning, the husband had to get up early and catch a plane. He needed his wife to wake him up not wanting to break the silence, he left her a note on her side of the bed. It said, “Please wake me up at 5 A.M.” He got up the next morning at 8 o’clock, missed his flight. He was so upset. He went in to find out why she didn’t wake him up. There was a note on his side of the bed, it said ‘Wake up! It’s 5.” – Easier than you think, Joel Osteen

How to Stay Calm when People Around you are Exploding

Hi, there! Having an angry day? Here’s a joke about taming your anger.

⁃ An elderly couple are sitting together one evening having dinner. The husband takes a deep breath and says, “Honey, I’m so sorry for letting out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm when I explode like that? She looks up from her food and says, “Well, honey I always just go and clean the toilet whenever you do that.” “Really? That helps?” “Yes of course it does because I use your toothbrush.” 😂 This joke is brought to you by Juna Mustad from her TEDTalk

Alright, if you are here to really read about what the title says above, here are

WAYS ON HOW TO STAY CALM WHEN YOU ARE BURNING WITH ANGER

Go where your inspiration takes you and always remember to capture the good vibes,

–marymancee