WAYS TO STAY CALM WHEN YOU ARE BURNING WITH ANGER

  1. PAUSE, SHUT UP and DO NOT SAY ANYTHING. This is another way of saying “Time out.” But the last time I was enraged , it felt so good to just go with it even though I knew it was not healthy. Then, I just stopped. I think this is the first step to distract ourselves from the burning desire in the heat of the moment.
  2. TAKE A DEEP BREATHE & DISTRACT YOUR URGE TO BE ANGRIER. So, stop and take a deep breathe. In my case, I remind myself of what I would lose if I continued being angry. Then, focus on the things I would GET if I stayed composed and calm. Also, I had to remind myself that “You don’t have to win a fight, if you know or you think that you are right. If are right, you don’t have to yell to prove you are.” The last time I was in rage, I just stopped and looked at the person without saying anything. Then, I continued breathing in and out. Just focused on the breathing.
  3. BE RATIONAL. Always remember that there are always BETTER WAYS in dealing with things. Yelling, screaming and continuously arguing would only make matters worst. I know it is not easy to stay rational when you are in the heat of the moment, but if you did number 1 and number 2, this comes a bit easier. Just remember, “If it is not going to solve the situation, it is not the best option.
  4. In summary, KEEP YOUR MIND BUSY and your MOUTH CLOSED until the urge has passed.

I think everybody feels this overwhelming pools of emotions from time to time and it is a bit hard when all we do is suppress them. Suppressing them is not very healthy. All the more when one of these emotions we feel is anger and frustrations. Anger which used to be a foreign word in my emotional vocabulary until recently. “Anger is a powerful feeling. It’s a normal and healthy emotion that happens when you are frustrated, hurt, annoyed, or disappointed.” And does not it feel good when you just go with it, lash out and explode? However though, it does not feel good after your anger has leveled down to zero, does it?

Recently, recently means in the past few years, I have experienced a lot of angry episodes to the point where it would start from being annoyed and then it would turn to rage. At this point, all I wanted to do was screammmmmmmm but now I have come to a conclusion that all of it was just piled up frustrations, heartaches, regrets and some other suppressed negative emotions. Then, I realized I had to find a way to let those frustrations out in some healthy ways because when you have a lot of these suppressed negative emotions, anger or rage is the emotion that can easily be triggered.

And although, this (in the photo) used to be my view on anger, people’s behavior are just one of the things beyond our control. Because no matter how in control we are though, there are situations, people and other factors that really get to our nerves. In this case, it is best to focus on managing your own reactions.

This photo is from https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/111431719/posts/1263

Those listed above are a few of the ways I have conjured up to avoid regrets and embarrassing anger manifestations, because I have had a lot recently and I feel like it is going to continue if I do not do anything about it.

(Angry years or rather the years I have gotten so angry and frustrated 2017(younger brother –now late brother), 2018 (older sister), 2019 (someone who lost my late brother’s bike) 2020 (him, my parents) 2021 (my father, my family, my coworker/s) & early 2022 (the CEO friend, older sister, parents, mother, father, him, family again, and everything else😂)

If you want to read anger management in better writing, I have linked two good sources below, I like the first one. Keep calm and enjoy 🙂

Seven Methods To Help You Switch From Angry To Calm In Seconds

15 Ways to Calm Yourself Down

Anybody can become angry-that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.

-Aristotle

–marymancee, April 2022

The Frog & The Scorpion

According to the book where I got this story from, this is one most important stories to keep in mind. However, I am not quite sure I understand it. I would be happy to hear your thoughts on this.

According to this story, the frog and the scorpion appear on the bank of a river at about the same time. The frog is about to jump in the river and swim to the other side. When the scorpion sees what is about to happen, he engages the frog in a conversation. He says to him, “Mr. Frog, I see that you are about to jump in the river and swim to the other side.” The frog responds, “That is correct.” So, the scorpion ask for a favor, “Well, you know I would also like to get to the other side. Unfortunately, I’m a scorpion and I can’t swim. Would you be so kind to let me hop on your back as you swim across the river? If you could deposit me on the other side, I would be grateful.” The frog looks at the scorpion and says, “No, you’re a scorpion and scorpions sting frogs and kill them. I get out there halfway with you on my back, and you’d sting me and I die. Do you think I’m crazy? I absolutely will not.” The scorpion says, “Wait a minute. You are not thinking. If I were to sting you halfway out there, surely, you’d die but so would I. Since I am a scorpion, I can’t swim. I drown. That would be kind of foolish. I am not about to do that. I just want to get to the other side. The frog thinks about that reasoning and says, “That makes sense. Hop on!” So, the scorpion hops on the frog’s back and they start to swim across the river. Sure enough, halfway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog. They are now both about to sink down into the water. The frog cannot believe what has happened and he says to the scorpion, “Why did you do that? I am about to die but so are you. Why would you do that?” And the scorpion replies, “Because I am a scorpion.”

I am not quite sure of my interpretation about it because it was dubbed as one of the most important stories in leadership so I Googled it and here’s one that I found.

Before getting too invested or too emotionally attached to someone, you should always try to figure out what their nature is. Who they really ARE. Not who they are presenting to you at that moment. We can all employ masks at certain times, when needed, to make ourselves appear better than we really might be. We’re also all susceptible to caving under pressure, feeling exhausted/drained/fed up, losing our cool and showing a side of ourselves that’s much worse than who really are. Those “I’m so sorry. I’m not myself right now. I don’t know what got into me. I’m not usually like that” moments that keep us up at night.

We all have our temporary ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Highs and lows. Angel moments and devil moments. Anomalies aside, everyone has a true nature. You are who you are at a core level. it’s important to try and figure out/see through the short-term spikes/dips, so you can understand who someone truly IS before getting in too deep.

In the story, the Frog makes the unfortunate and soon-regrettable decision to trust the Scorpion. A smile, a few charming words and a very temporary and very misleading representation of who he was is all it took for the Frog to let his guard down and forget/ignore what he already knew the Scorpion to be.

Scorpions will do scorpion shit. We really can’t be mad at a scorpion for acting like a scorpion. “It’s in their nature”. Instead, it’s on us to do a better job of controlling who we let into our lives and who we spend our time and energy on. It’s our job to pay more attention. Let’s try our best to avoid traps, avoid wasted time, avoid being hurt unnecessarily and to simply start paying more attention. If we can do that, then hopefully we won’t end up like our homeboy the Frog.

medium.com/@steven.mccall

The interpretation seems to be about Relationships, Interactions and Expectations. I think I understand that “Scorpions sting and you can’t blame them when they do because it’s in their nature.” However, I can’t seem to relate this to leadership. I would really be happy to hear your interpretations.

–marymancee

Joel Osteen’s Joke “The State Trooper & A Senior Citizen “

I heard about this senior citizen. He was driving down the freeway in his brand-new Corvette with the top-down going 80 miles an hour when he saw flashing red lights from a state trooper in his rear view mirror. Without thinking about it, he floated — took off to a 100 miles an hour. He heard the siren behind him. He finally pulled over and said, “Officer, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” The state trooper said, “Listen! It’s Friday 4 o’clock. My shift is over in 30 minutes. If you tell me a reason why you were speeding that I never heard before, then, I’ll let you go. The mean thought about it and said, “Officer, years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were bringing her back.” The officer said, “Have a great weekend!” – Peace With Yourself

The Alchemist (Paolo Coelho) Quotes

FAVORITE PARTS/RELATABLE PARTS (My 3rd time reading this book)

BECAUSE We all have those lines or parts from what we read that just easily resonate with us. Here are some of the lines from Paolo Coelho’s “The Alchemist”.

“At some point, we lost control of our lives & we let fate take control” world’s biggest lies

“When you truly want something, the universe conspires in your favor to helping you to achieve it.”

“I’m just like everyone else. I see the world as how I want it to be. Not as what it is.”

“The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of soil on the spoon.”

“It’s not what enters men’s mouth that is evil. it’s what comes out of it.’ – The Alchemist

“Wherever your heart is, you will always find your treasure.” – The Alchemist

“Always live in the present. It’s where life is.” -the driver of the caravan

“Everything that happens can never happen again. But something that happens twice will surely happen again.” – The Alchemist

“Every person in the world, no matter what he does plays a role in the history of the world and normally he doesn’t know it.” -The Alchemist

The Fifteen Types Of Women That You Should Avoid to Have a Long-term Relationship. — Ouso Escrever

A very good read I found today. Hopefully, you find it useful, entertaining, informative, or whatever (insert a grinning emoji).

Currently, this is me and these are why if I were a man, maybe I would not date myself, either. Huh! The toxins in me 😛

9.The Drama Queen: Tend to be unaware of their real feelings. (Except now I know what my issues are and am working on them.) Are usually overly concerned with physical attractiveness and dress in a sexually seductive manner.(I like dressing up because it makes me feel good. I loved it since I was a kid. My dressing up fashionably and sometimes sexily is not for seduction purposes, but if you are someone I like and you get seduced, it’s a bonus.) Drama queens share some features of borderline personality disorder, which is characterized by instability in identity and relationships. These people experience intense mood swings. (Uhmmm, that’s why I belong to this category because I have been having a lot of mood swings recently but I read an article it is just more likely due to PTSD. Hopefully. Or maybe I am currently BPD. Geez, no, I don’t want to be one.) “You often feel when you’re with them they’re terribly engaged with you and as soon as you’re out of sight, you’re out of mind.”

10.The Princess Mentality: Suffering from Princess syndrome is more common than you may believe. A girl or woman who suffers from Princess Syndrome lives life or wants her life to be a fairy-tale. She may learn that she cannot be self-sufficient, and she has to rely on a savior or the prince with the white horse. Although she may appear as a fragile/inoffensive woman, her passive-aggressive and demanding behavior over time will make you feel drained and exhausted. (I do not want my life to be a fairy-tale and I do not want to rely on a savior, but sometimes I feel like I want to, especially these days. Knight and shining armor! Please, where are you? haha I do have the tendency to be passive-aggressive though but luckily I am ware of this now so I am working on not being passive-aggressive.)

15.The Daddy Issue Girl: If you are dating a woman with a father complex or daddy issues, unless she did the necessary healing work, it can damage your relationship because this woman never felt loved or enough for her father. These types of fathers were emotionally unavailable and left in their daughters an impressive void that they need to suppress in their intimate relationship. In intimate relationships, these women feel they have to be perfect and rarely argue or get mad. However, they become very disappointed when they discover that their prince charming, weren’t that charming after all. (Uhmmm, currently, I still have a bit of these Daddy Issues but I am working on healing myself from these.)

– Alexandria Maria Santos
How about you? Which type(s) of toxic female behavior do you have?

READ MORE FIRST

“The more time a person invests emotionally in a relationship (even an overall negative one), the more a person will persevere to try to make it work (even though it hasn’t been working, resulting in a tricky cycle). And because there is still basic attachment and love in such relationships, any self-awareness, any intellectual truths, are pushed to the side, and their choices become heavily ruled by their emotions.”Madeleine A. Fugère Ph.D.

The Fifteen Types Of Women That You Should Avoid to Have a Long-term Relationship. — Ouso Escrever

May 12, 2022 5 P.M.

The Ending: A Poetry About My Most Recent Misery

In the end, it wasn’t the exact words I longed hearing.

But still, the bottom line now, it was his ending

Maybe, he was just being polite, yet, pinning it all on me.

Couldn’t say exactly, but he was basically blaming me.

Some of it were true though, so it’s okay.

But while it’s on me, the blame is on him, too.

If he knew he was gonna go away, why always remind me of his stay?

Then, he would always gaslight me

If I started going away, that’s when he would come and pretend for another stay

Or nope!!! He said it wasn’t pretense

It was just me who chose to see it that way

Well, how could I not? When he would occasionally put it on me?

So then, back and forth, I accepted and refused to see it was just a game he loved to play

So foolish of me: trusting, believing, expecting, hoping, and wanting

If I didn’t, I would have seen things as it is

But which of it was real anyway?

Most of it were enjoyable, yet now, just equally painful

I was always confused with the coming, going and my longing

And now, everything was just nothing

I could have stayed away, but then again, now, it should be okay

Everything was necessary, because in the end it’s better for him and me

Now, just wondering how long will this getting over again be. May 9, 2022.

“Impromptu”

People are people

We hustle and we hassle

Then, we go through some troubles

They prompt you to battle, so you wrestle

In the discussion, they expect you to settle

Impromptu! There, you opted to crawl

Did she really dare grumble?

An insult!! Crossing the line’s just unacceptable

battle battle

This is in response to Weekend Writing Prompt #258

Because we all hope for the better

No matter how much you hate the government, do not hope for it’s failure. When it fails, we all fail. We’re all in one boat. If you want a better country, stop talking like you are better than your president. Stop complaining and be a better citizen 🇵🇭

THINGS I SHARED ON MY IG STORY 

MY FUN FACT: I’m jut sharing those comments because the video was so annoying—so biased. I’m not pro BBM per se but then it occurred to me that since he’s there now, it means that a lot of people have perhaps acknowledged what the country has been needing for a while now. I am not shunning any fears that others have because of what happened in the history (Martial Law and etc.) but then, come to think of it there are a lot of good things that Marcos’s administration had done back then. The media manipulation which occurred from both sides had made it clear which sides of the story they want to portray. The opposition of the Marcoses makes it clear to highlight the downfall inducing fears and what not. The supporters at the same time, while acknowledging these fears,  also acknowledge and are highlighting the positive contributions of the Marcos regime. Seeing both the negatives and the positives, it’s obvious that majority of the people are seeing that the upsides outweigh the downsides. It seems that people are not operating from that fearful standpoint anymore. 

Duterte’s administration had done so well regardless of the backlashing because of how he speaks, how ill-mannered or how he handled some other things, but overall, people see progress & change. The fact that he encourages people to not just rely on the government’s support entirely is like telling PEOPLE HOW TO FISH rather than telling them to WAIT for ANYONE to give them FISHES and for me this is a big start. 

Yes, currently, the people a lot of them, my family, friends, and relatives included need the government’s support the most and all that, but it’s also good that the government itself was encouraging people to survive on its own, do what they could when support wasn’t there yet. 

Duterte’s administration had started this alongside the other positive growth and change-inspiring contributions, and people want it to continue and they are hoping it be done by whoever they put out there. People see that the only way to continue the growth and change they are seeing is to allow people who are willing to do so be in the position. 

Duterte’s administration had done so well for the country that people are hopeful that this goes on and BBM, while PLATAFORMA is unclear, stated he is up for it so people are rooting for it. 

Given the history, BBM’s father’s administration had caused these fears and distrust that some, if not most, or if most if not some, people have. However, it’s also good to acknowledge the majority who voted BBM. Acknowledge that perhaps trusting and putting him there had nothing to do with forgetting what had happened in the past, shunning fears nor being blindsided. Perhaps, it because of the change we all hope to see that people see from the Marcos’s regime and are now seeing in Duterte’s administration. The progress that we can now see, by the way, as part of the major contributions that the Marcos’s administration had. 

Speaking of seeing, it’s also good to acknowledge that both sides are talking about twisted histories and manipulations. The opposition of Marcos or Duterte are always talking about the negative ones. In Duterte’s administration, though, mostly all they can put out there are just petty things. In Marcos senior’s case, of course it is it’s downfall. The supporters of these administrations (Duterte and Marcos) are also saying things against the oppositions. There are things they cannot and choose not to see or accept or forgive, too.  

The opposition of the two administrations are saying that the history has been twisted because kids in school only knows about Marcos senior being the hero while in fact he had acted and had been presented otherwise. In my early years, I was only seeing the latter as the only side of the story, too because it was what was always highlighted. But in the advent of the internet and the social media, the TV industry can not just easily manipulate information anymore. What was always presented was the worst. And yet now, with less manipulation, we have a lot of sources that can present both sides. For instance, this video highlighting moments of President Ferdinand Marcos abroad

Watching this, I remembered my elementary days. When our teachers instilled in us the value of patriotism. This is just one of the few videos of Filipinos that made me feel and reminded me of PATRIOTISM. I can really feel that his heart is for the nation. But then again, I could be biased too because they are just feelings. 😀

If the opposition of Marcoses are claiming that the history is and has been twisted in favor to the Marcoses, I guess it’s fair to say the same thing to them. 

While it’s not good to jump to conclusions, it is also not good to live bitter in fear of what might not happen. It is better to live in hope for a better future. It’s not good that you say the Philippines is doomed because majority of your own people, who do not share the same politics as yours, who voted NOT your candidate are stupid or uneducated or unlike you because you grow up in a more privileged life or whatever names you call them. It’s not good that you say the Philippines is doomed just because majority of the people do not share your views. It’s not good because may be you are right haha. But kidding aside though, it is like saying “I am _____ and you are not because you do not see what I see.” Dang!!! We are all different man. Let’s respect each other’s point of views. This is the whole point of these because we all hope for the better, after all.

P.S. I just found this ⬇️ on Youtube which would have been better if I found it before the writing above haha but this definitely answered WHY FILIPINOS changed their views on Martial Law. It’s not mainly because of manipulation or history twisting.

Filipino Historian Xiao Chua believes that apart from shortcomings in education, some Filipinos have also changed their views about the martial law era and the people power revolution largely because of the disappointing years that followed it with the elite hijacking democracy.

ANC 24/7, Youtube link here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX7zXIPLwoU

Filipino Historian Xiao Chua believes that apart from shortcomings in education, some Filipinos have also changed their views about the martial law era and the people power revolution largely because of the disappointing years that followed it with the elite hijacking democracy.

Then, there’s a video about Marcos being a villain or a hero

Joel Osteen’s Jokes “The Negative Farmer”

I heard about this positive farmer and this negative farmer. When it would rain the positive farmer would say, “Lord, thank you for watering our crops.” The negative farmer would say, “Yeah, but if it keeps this up, it’s gonna rot the roots.” . When the sun came out, the positive farmer would say, “Lord, thank you for giving our plants valuable nutrients.” The negative farmer, “Yeah, but it keeps it up, it’s gonna scorch the crops.” One day, they went bird hunting together in a boat. The positive farmer just a new bird dog. He was so proud of him. He shot a bird, fell in the water, said to the negative farmer, “Watch this!” The dog jumped out of a boat run on top of the water, picked up the bird, ran back on top of the water, put it in a boat. HE said, “What’d you think?” The negative farmer said, “I should have known it. That dog can’t even swim.” — Tell Yourself a New Story, Joel Osteen

A Yay or a Nay?

A poetry of either Him or Me

It’s been five days since May

Yet I couldn’t even get my message across clearly.

What I wanted to say was white and then what came out was gray

But, can’t he really see what I really wanted for him to say?

I mean, life is supposed to be not this not easy

How hard can it be?

It’s black or white, it’s never gray

But, maybe, I made him confused as he made me

If he says me, I’ll say all we have to do is hug and let it all go away

Now, we’ll see

If he says nay, I’ll have to kiss him goodbye and let him be

Who shall it be? Him or me?